


Look Me in the Eye

by Granger4013



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-16 09:02:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2263764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Granger4013/pseuds/Granger4013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slight changes in the midst of the "Stand" plot. Myka, unable to cope with the emotions swirling around the B&B retreats to a bar, only to require a certain someone to come and retrieve her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And tell me you don't find me attractive

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter titles come from Tegan & Sara's "Where Does the Good Go."
> 
> This will be M for later chapters. This is my first WH13 fic published, and thus my first go round with Myka/HG, read, comment, hopefully enjoy!

Myka had to get out of the house. She couldn't take one more second of hearing Claudia's sobs, or Pete's quiet mumbling of disbelief. H.G. was struggling to put up a front of normalcy, shuffling around the kitchen trying to make some semblance of food, none of them had eaten all day, but mostly there was a lot of pots slamming and "bloody hell's" issuing from the kitchen. Myka felt like every muscle in her body was on the brink of snapping, nerves stretched so thin she knew if she stayed she would lose control and never possibly regain it again. They all knew the costs of this life. That the warehouse would eventually take things from them, but this, this was the first time something felt so impossibly permanent. Even in those moments where H.G seemed lost she always came back somehow, she was never fully gone, not like this, not like Steve. She felt paralyzed, all she wanted to do was move and yet her body wouldn't respond to the need; until Claudia gave another shuddering gasp from the couch and it was like a lightning bolt through Myka's body. It was the jolt she needed to escape. She heaved herself off the floor, grabbed her jacket where she had flung it in a chair, checked that her Farnsworth was in her pocket, and made for the door. She felt Pete's footsteps behind her before he grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around before her hand could touch the doorknob. 

"Mykes, where are you going? You can't leave, not now." The pleading in his voice and the pain in his eyes almost made her want to stay, to try and fix it, but that was the problem, she had finally come up against a something she couldn't solve.

"Pete I can't stay here. I have to get out of the house or the pain is going to suffocate me. I just need a few hours to myself, to..to process, to forget, to I don't know what. To just not be here, where it feels like Steve is everywhere." She was determined and when she was determined Pete was powerless.

"Where are you going to go? It's late."

"I don't know where..I'll find some place."

"Well, at least take your Farnsworth,ok."

She pulled it out of her pocket so he could see she had already made sure it was on her, then with a quick glance into the living room at Claudia whispered, "Take care of her. I'll be back later," and with a squeeze of his arm she fled from the B&B.

The door slamming shut was enough to bring Helena from the kitchen, "Where on earth is she going?"

Pete just shrugged his shoulders and helplessly said, "She didn't really know, she just said she had to get out for a bit."

Pete returned to the living room to try somehow to comfort Claudia, but H.G. with a sinking feeling in her stomach peered out the window to watch the taillights of Myka's SUV tear out of the driveway. It wasn't like Myka to run, no matter how big the problem. Over the years Helena had come to know more about Myka than she ever anticipated she would when she first met her staring down the barrel of a gun, and she knew that Myka put up a brilliant front of calm control, but roiling underneath was a strong layer of insecurity, fear, and pain. She tried so hard to manage everything, and most of the time she did, but when something went off-kilter she tended to crumble, always finding a way to blame herself for whatever went wrong. The same thing happened when Helena was foolish enough to try and drown her own pain by ending not just her own life, but everyone's, and despite the fact that it was Myka who stopped her, the burden of guilt Myka felt was enough to drive her back to her parents in Colorado harboring dreams of never returning to the warehouse. No, Helena thought, if Myka was leaving, things were going to get messy.

Myka drove for what felt like hours, but in reality was just long enough to get her to a bar where she knew no one, and the music was ear-splittingly loud enough that it could stay that way. She wound her way to the bar ignoring several, "Hey baby's" along the way, and quickly ordered two gin and tonics. She knew the first would disappear quickly, so she needed a quick back up. She just wanted something, anything that would numb this pain, anything to stop the never-ending spiral of questions in her head. What could she have done to stop it? How could she protect Claudia? What if it had been Pete? What if it had been Helena? What if she lost her again, for real? That question was too difficult to bear, for it led Myka down a path she didn't even want to think about. Things were complicated enough without her thinking about that. That crushing, melting feeling she had for Helena. She didn't want to think about losing her, but even more so she didn't want to think at all about why exactly she couldn't handle that. Gin burned at the back of her throat and she relished the pain. If she could drown in that pain, maybe the other pain would disappear. She didn't even pay attention to just how many drinks she'd had or the fact that the bartender probably should have cut her off by now but she didn't care, she finally felt blissfully numb, to everything, to Steve, to how fucked up the Warehouse made her life, to Claudia and her racking sobs that kept echoing around her brain, to everything but one thing, no matter how many ounces of gin she threw down her throat, she could never numb herself to Helena. Helena, the one thing should couldn't stop thinking of, even when she knew she should be focusing on something else. Helena, the one part of her life that actually scared her to death, because if she let herself admit how she felt it would end her career, how could she keep working at the Warehouse and be a good agent when she would live in constant fear of losing her again, like before, when Helena almost destroyed the world. No, she would swallow her feelings, along with more gin, and forget the feeling she got when Helena looked at her, when Helena would casually, almost carelessly let their hands brush together, as though Myka might not notice and might not feel the heat radiating between them. No, she couldn't do it again, she couldn't lose another person she loved, she would come undone. So, with a flick of her finger to the bartender, she downed another gin and threw herself out into the throng of people on the dance floor, praying that the contact with other people would drive from her mind the thought of Helena's hands against hers.

"Pete, Pete, is Myka back?" She gently shook him awake from where he slept slumped on the couch, careful not to disturb Claudia who was finally, thankfully asleep curled up with her head on Pete's shoulder. 

Helena had fought with all her might to not fall asleep, straining her ears for the sound of tires on gravel, signalling Myka's return, but exhaustion had overtaken her, and she had fallen asleep, head on her book in the library. She prayed she had missed the door opening, prayed that Myka was asleep upstairs, prayed that the morning that was only a few hours away would truly bring a new dawn.

"What? H.G., Myka? No, no I don't think so." Panic rose in his eyes as realization struck him. "Shit, Helena what time is it?" He looked ready to bolt off the couch, but ever careful of Claudia stayed put and kept his voice low.

With a gut-wrenching sigh Helena whispered, "It's almost 3. Pete, where is she?"

"I have no clue. She said she needed to be alone. Her Farnsworth! She has it. Call her. Helena, find her, please. She, she seemed so off when she she left."

The terror in Pete's voice was indicative of how much he cared for Myka. Helena touched his arm lightly, "I'll go call."

Jesus, Myka. Why? Why tonight of all nights? Why couldn't you tell me where you were going? Why couldn't you have taken me with you? Why aren't you here? She flipped open her Farnsworth, fingers shaking, afraid of what might, or worse, might not greet her on the other end. It rang, and rang, and rang, panic rising in her with each passing second until finally, there was Myka surrounded by three different men, dancing. Dancing? "HELENA!"

"Myka, where the hell are you?" She tried not to yell, but witnessing these people around Myka, touching her, like they had a right to do so, made a rage and a jealousy rise so greatly in Helena that she could barely speak.

"I'm out! I'm living! I am so drunk, and it is amazing."

Helena couldn't fight off the instinct to roll her eyes. She couldn't help it, but she understood. Myka needed to be numb, she of all people understood that impulse, though terrorizing mankind was usually her particular poison, but alcohol worked just as well. Regardless of that though, she didn't trust that Myka was safe. Not like that, with them. "I can see that. Where are you darling?" She figured sweetness would get her further than her anger right now.

"I am..where am I?" Myka snorted and then turned to the guy now whispering in her ear. "The Loft! I'm at The Loft in Rapid City."

Oddly enough, Helena knew the place. They had gone there as a group the night of Claudia's 21st birthday when the local bar closed early. Thankfully, it wasn't far. Twenty minutes tops. "Will you stay there? I'm going to come down, get you home or somewhere safely."

"Totally! Oh my God you guys are going to love Helena she's amazing!"

Helena couldn't help the smirk that twitched on her lips. Amazing indeed, amazingly violent if any of those drunk idiots laid a hand on her Myka. "I'll see you soon."

Closing the Farnsworth she returned to Pete, who was now fully awake, waiting for an answer. "Did you find her? Is she ok?"

"She's ok, for now. Drunk off her stupid ass, and surrounded by equally drunk men. She's only over in Rapid City. I'm going to go get her or at least her keys. It may be easier to get her to a hotel then back here. I will let you know when I have her."

"Thank you, Helena. Really. I can't, I can't have something happen to Mykes too." The anguish in his eyes made her heart ache for him. Somehow the Warehouse drew people like this to it, the broken, the lonely, the lost. The people who couldn't bear another loss yet inevitably would at the hands of endless wonder. 

"You're welcome. She'll be ok Pete. I'll get her." Silently she grabbed the keys to Claudia's Prius, eased herself out of the B&B, and into the dark South Dakota night. 

The endless sky of the West sometimes threatened to overpower her. She was so used to London, to the city, where stars were a rarity to witness through the smog. She was used to constantly being around noise and hustle, that the oppressive silence of this place made her want to scream sometimes. Except, except when she was with Myka. She had no way to explain it, what existed between them, somehow everything and nothing at once. Theirs was a relationship of simplicity and comfort. Myka, of all the members of the Warehouse,found the ability to forgive her her sins with some semblance of ease. Somehow Myka was able to see through the harsh veneer of anger and rage, to the heartbreak and loneliness that were so deeply embedded in her she didn't know if she'd ever be able to escape them. Yet somehow, with Myka, it seemed to dissipate, not quite disappear but what was once a gaping wound, had started to heal. She found she couldn't help herself when Myka was around. The sidelong looks, the not so subtle touches, any excuse to get closer to her. She knew Myka noticed. It seemed sometimes that she felt the same way, returning the looks, letting the touches linger more than intended. They existed in a strange realm of subtlety and indecision, clearly feeling something for the other but never quite being willing to speak it out loud. In many ways, as she had come to understand Myka, she feared this odd place of something and nothing would be all they ever had. Myka had already lost one partner, one she loved, and it was glaringly obvious that after Sam's death she walled herself up behind order and rules and control, just to keep herself together. Yet tonight, as Helena watched Claudia being torn apart by the loss of Steve, she couldn't help but feel that this dance of hers and Myka's was nothing but a glorious waste of time. There was no doubt that their lives were risky, that they could lose each other, that it could be painful, but was that really worth depriving themselves of a love that could erase the pain of the past? Why not instead of running away out of fear, they just let themselves love each other? Why not stop wasting the time they had together before it became too late, just as it had today for Steve and Claudia and the friendship of theirs that was unequal to anything else? Didn't they deserve to be happy? After over a century of pain, Helena felt that with Myka she might actually have a chance at real, true happiness. If only they'd give themselves a chance. But she feared that was something Myka would never do. These thoughts raced with her across the highway into the city. In only a small space of time she was pulling up in front of the only place still open at 3:30 in the morning in the middle of nowhere. The music thumped out into the quiet, shaking Helena from her thoughts, and leaving only one remaining. An ardent prayer that Myka was still in there.

This type of place made Helena's skin crawl. Of all the new things she'd experienced in 21st century these music-pumping, dance hall-esque bars were her least favorite. They were loud and filled with people far too intoxicated to have an intelligible conversation with. When she walked in she was mind-boggled that Myka would come some place like this, and yet at the same time completely understood why this would be the perfect place to go when you wanted to escape from everything. It didn't take long to find her once she walked in, because not only was Myka in the middle of the dance floor drawing an immense amount of attention to herself, buy also because the second Myka saw her she shouted out her name in what seemed excitement, and ran over to her. 

"Helena! You came! What am I thinking you said you were going to! Whatever, come dance!"

Helena had underestimated just how drunk Myka was. Never in a sober state of mind would Myka think that dancing would be something Helena would ever entertain doing. "Myka, darling don't you think it might be time to go home? It's late, and you are unbelievably drunk."

"I know! It's just the best. I can't feel a thing." Myka's eyes were a bit unfocused, and Helena knew she had arrived barely in time, or it was more likely they'd be finding Myka very hungover and in the bed of   
one of these frightfully idiotic men in the morning. 

"Well, if that's the case it would seem mission accomplished. Shall we go?" She took Myka's wrist in an attempt to pull her towards the door, but despite being drunk Myka apparently was still strong. Instead of giving into Helena’s prodding towards the door, Myka pulled back with a force that caused Helena to turn back towards her. Myka grabbed Helena’s other hand, slipped it around her waist and turned them distinctly away from the door and towards the dance floor. The eyes Helena was greeted with were less unfocused somehow, and had a glint to them, of what she couldn't tell. It almost seemed like desire.

"One more dance," Myka whispered. "Then I'll go wherever you want to take me."

Definitely desire it would seem. Despite her best efforts, Helena couldn't help but relax a bit into Myka's touch. She knew she shouldn't, it would be a mistake of epic proportions to take any of Myka's actions as legitimate in this state, but hearing her say those things, with that look on her face, Helena would have to be inhuman to not feel a twinge of longing for what Myka seemed to be offering. She softened a bit, letting herself sink into Myka's arms far more than she should. "One more dance." 

What the hell am I doing? Helena tried desperately to convince herself that this was merely what she had to do to get Myka to leave, but a voice in her head echoed through her rationality, "you know you'd do anything she asked right now."

The crowd of men that seemingly had been surrounding Myka all night tried to encircle her again as she pulled Helena onto the dance floor, but for the first time all night Myka didn't pay them any notice. Most of them had probably thought they were the one with the best chance to take her home, but once they saw her with Helena it became abundantly clear she was only going home with one person. The music was so loud Helena could feel it pounding in her chest but she didn't care because Myka's hands were on her hips trying her hardest to make her dance, forgetting that in Helena's time dancing looking wildly different from what Myka was seeking to do. 

"Myka you know I have no idea how to dance," she had to scream to be heard and she felt idiotic, absolutely positive that she not only sounded strange, but also looked like a total fool.

"Just do what I'm doing, just move Helena."

Move. If only she could, but with Myka's hands where they were she felt like if she moved she would explode. She couldn’t help it, she let herself go and melt into the feeling of Myka's hands on her, letting her control how they moved. It was as if the entire place disappeared. It was only her and Myka, moving together. She couldn't even process what song was playing, she was so focused on Myka. Her hands had left her hips, only to find Helena's hands, entwining their fingers together, and somehow managing to draw them closer to each other than before. She could feel every inch of Myka moving, her fingers grasping harder, unwilling to let Helena stray from her touch. Out of nowhere, Myka unglasped their hands and wrapped herself around Helena. It lasted only a second and then they were back as they were. Helena must have looked unbelievably confused because Myka gave her a wink and said, "just doing what the song said, it said to grab somebody sexy, so I did," and then she burst out laughing. 

Helena's knees almost buckled underneath her. The look in Myka's eyes was enough to make her want to just drag her out to the car and beg her to take her. Yet, there was that voice again, "She's drunk. This isn't real." She knew it was true and if anything happened tonight she would drown in regret, and always wonder if it was only because Myka was too drunk to care who she slept with. If she hadn't shown up, Myka could have just as easily said the same thing to any of the guys who were just as anxious for her attention as Helena was. She shoved her thoughts to the back of her mind, and allowed herself a few more moments of ecstasy, feeling Myka's hands on her, feeling her hips moving, knowing that when the song ended, this moment was over too. The beat slowed, but Myka's hands stayed where they were. In a quiet moment, Helena caught the look on her face. She looked exhausted, and underneath the veneer of alcoholic exuberance, Helena saw the pain that still lingered in her, despite her best efforts to make it disappear. She looked hollow somehow, like she was only inches from falling off the cliff, and like she wouldn’t give a damn if she did. The look was gone as quickly as it came, and Helena knew if she was going to get Myka out of there, now was the time. She refused to let go of Myka’s hands, knowing if she did, there would be no getting her off the dance floor, but also because she was savoring the feeling of actually having Myka right there, touching her, willingly, without a need to hide it, or make it a passing thing. If she could hold onto her, maybe they both could keep themselves from falling apart. 

“Myka, let’s get out of here.” It came out far more indecent sounding than she intended. She was going for quiet insistence, and instead it came out dripping with longing. Dammit. Her mind cried out, “There’s no way you’re going to keep this from happening, if you keep sounding like you’re inches from tearing her clothes off.” She could tell, that despite the alcohol coursing through her, the tone wasn’t lost on Myka. Her eyes darkened, and she inched closer to Helena, if that was even possible.

“Ok…get me out of here.” 

Her thoughts were racing a million miles a minute, as she turned them towards the door. Somehow, she had come here to rescue Myka and get her home safely, but was leaving with her like she had just come in order to get her into bed. She knew she had to turn this around. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t let this happen, not now, not like this, no matter how badly she wanted it to. When they were finally free of the heat and the noise, Helena gasped in a breath of the cold night air, praying that it would soothe the burning searing through every inch of her body. It didn’t help much, nothing would help. She was in too deep. In a mere few minutes, Myka had caused every feeling Helena had for her to the surface, and there was no way to push them back down. Worse yet, she was starting to feel certain that Myka wanted her too. Bloody hell, this is not how tonight was supposed to go. She looked at her watch 4 AM. It was four in the morning and she was standing in the cold night air of South Dakota, with a still fairly drunk Myka Bering hanging on her arm, continually asking her, “Where do you want to go?” in a tone that said Helena could take her anywhere, and Myka would follow.

They could go back to the B&B, be there by 4:30, and just let tonight slip away, but Helena’s rationality wasn’t working anymore. There was a hotel nearby. She was tired, Myka was close to passing out, she hoped, and she really didn’t feel like driving, let alone trying to sneak her into the B&B without waking up Claudia who was still hopefully sleeping. She remembered she had told Pete she would call him when she got Myka, and knew where they were going. She pulled it out of her pocket, and he picked up almost instantly, “H.G., do you have Myka?”

Myka pulled the Farnsworth out of her hands quicker than she could have imagined, “PETE!!”

Pete blew a breath out of his cheeks, clearly unaware of just how drunk Myka was, despite Helena’s prior warnings when she left, “How ya doin’ Mykes?”

“I am fucking fantastic!”

He laughed in spite of himself, “I can see that. Hey, Mykes let me talk to H.G., just for a sec.”

She rolled her eyes, “Fine!”

“Jesus H.G, she’s four sheets to the wind. I’ve never seen her like that. Is she really ok?”

“She is in rare form, no doubt about it, but she’ll be ok. I just need to get her to bed.” Oh boy, nice choice of words Helena. “I’m too tired to drive back tonight. There’s a hotel just down the road, we’ll stay there, and be home tomorrow, ok.”

“Ok. Just be careful.” The concern in Pete’s eyes, reminded Helena just why he had grown on her so much in the last few months.

“We will, and Pete, don’t worry. I’ll take care of her. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ok, thanks H.G., really.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, and Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Try to get some sleep darling.” She usually saved the endearments for Myka, and Claudia when she needed it, but Pete looked miserable, and she wanted him to know she was there for him too. They didn’t need him spiraling out of control too. 

“I will. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” and the Farnsworth clicked off.


	2. And tell me you won't go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What exactly happens in that hotel room?

“So where are we going?” 

“I am taking you to a hotel, so you can sleep, that’s where we’re going.” Talking to Pete had returned sanity to Helena’s brain somehow. Reminded her that tonight was about a lot more than just Myka being drunk and in a compromising situation, and it was about a lot more than just the two of them. Tonight was about their whole family, and how broken it was. It was about the fact that Myka was hurting so badly that she had escaped into a bottle, and didn’t let any of them know where she was going. Her feelings for Myka were not important tonight, they couldn’t be.

She maneuvered Myka to the car, and was thankfully able to get her in and buckled without so much as one word of complaint. The hotel was only a few minutes away, which was a good thing, because Myka apparently was not going to make focusing on reality easy tonight. The second Helena started the car, Myka put her hand on her knee, and kept it there, gently easing her fingers along her leg the entire time they drove. Helena was lucky there was no one else on the road, because the haze Myka’s touch was causing, was seriously beginning to impair her ability to drive in a straight line. She pulled into a spot in the hotel parking lot, and extracted herself from the car as quickly as possible, not giving Myka a chance to see the look on her face, or get one word in. She practically ran into the lobby, with Myka following her as best she could on still wobbly feet. 

“One room please.” The look on the attendant’s face spoke volumes for how this whole thing must have looked. Myka, clearly drunk hanging on Helena’s arm, looking far more attractive than she should, after a night of dancing and drinking, and Helena seeming calm and collected booking them into one room. “It seems my friend has had a bit too much to drink this evening, and needs a place to sleep it off.”

“Right. Whatever you say ladies. Room 213. I just need a credit card.” 

Helena quickly handed over the card Artie had given her for Warehouse expenses, praying that they could get this over fast. The attendant gave her back the card, “Checkout is at noon.” She grabbed the keys and got Myka over to the elevator.

“That guy was looking at us funny,” Myka giggled.

“Because you’re drunk darling, and he clearly thinks that I’ve brought you here to take advantage of that fact.” She tried so hard to sound matter of fact, but her voice caught in her throat, feeling her resolve slipping for the millionth time that night. The elevator binged and they stepped in. 

Before she could even hit the button for the second floor, Myka had her pressed against the wall of the elevator, and whispered, “Well, aren’t you going to?” Her breath falling far too close to Helena’s ear, so that there was no way she could control the involuntary shudder that passed over her body. She fumbled to push the button for their floor, barely successful, with Myka pressed so hard against her. 

As the elevator started to move, Helena turned back towards Myka, looking into eyes that were so soaked with longing that every nerve in Helena’s body was straining to just close the gap between them and kiss her already. “No, I’m not going to.” She wanted to sound strong, confident, but it came out as a whisper, like the weakness in her knees translated into words. There would be no way for Myka to miss how close she was to falling off the cliff.

The elevator reached their floor, and the sensation of the car stopping was enough to unbalance Myka so that Helena could escape her grasp, and get out into the hall. Their room was right across from the elevator, and as quickly as she could she got the door open, and practically collapsed into the room. 

Myka followed quickly behind her, not willing to let up. “What do you mean no?” She grabbed for Helena’s hand, and was able to just catch her by the fingertips, and spin her around. “I saw how you looked at me earlier, when you were dancing with me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want me.”

Helena took a deep, shuddering breath, allowing herself to push a curl that had fallen over Myka’s eyes behind her ear. She had to do this carefully or everything would come crashing down around her, and she would lose any semblance of a chance she ever had with Myka. “Myka,” God she wished her voice sounded stronger, but it just sounded quiet and passion-soaked. “There is nothing in this world that I want more than you.” Myka took that as an invitation to pull her closer, but Helena was ready for it and pulled back, “but, you are drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing, or what you’re saying, and the last thing I want is to have you like this, where I can’t be sure you actually want me, or it’s just the alcohol talking and you only want a distraction.”

Now it was Myka’s turn to roll her eyes, “I may be drunk, but I’m not drunk enough to forget that I want this. That I want you, that every time I see you, I want you. That I want you every time you touch me when you think I might not notice, when really it makes every inch of me go numb.”

This was too much. She was saying everything that Helena wanted to hear, but she really, really didn’t want her first time with Myka to be like this. She didn’t want them to be together, only because Myka needed to not feel the pain of Steve’s loss. She turned away from her, releasing her hands from the heat of Myka’s touch, “Please, God, please don’t say that to me, I can’t take it. Myka, you’re upset about Steve, we all are, and if this happens, I will always wonder if it was only because you were in so much pain you collapsed into me so you didn’t have to feel anything.”

She didn’t know what she expected Myka to say, but the last thing she expected was for her to start yelling, “So I don’t want to feel anything, so what?! Steve is dead Helena, and all I keep thinking about is all the things I didn’t say to him, all the things Claudia and he hadn’t done together yet, all the things we’re all going to miss out on because we were too stupid or too busy or hell, too indifferent to do them because we thought there would always be more time, when the reality was it was already too late. The Warehouse and all it’s endless wonder makes you think you have all the time in the world, for everything, when in reality it’s the thing that makes all the time you have precious because it might take it away in an instant, when you touch the wrong artifact or piss off the wrong person. It’s too much Helena, it’s too much to lose. So is it so wrong of me, to want you right here, right now, regardless of how many drinks I’ve had, because I’m so afraid that the more I wait, the more I let myself think I don’t feel this way about you, eventually it will just be too late, and I’ll lose you too, before I ever had a chance to do anything about the fact that every second of everyday I want to be with you.”

She was so torn, torn between wanting to just throw caution to the wind and give in, to decide that right here and now in this moment, they could be happy and safe, regardless of the consequences, and wanting to scream at Myka for waiting until tonight to say these things, for it taking copious amounts of alcohol for her to finally admit these things to her, forcing her to doubt everything. She didn’t expect it to, but anger won out. “Then why haven’t you said anything Myka? If you were so sure how I felt about you, if you felt this strongly for me, then why did it take an entire bottle of gin to tell me. Why did it take me driving out in the middle of the night to pull you out of the arms of ten different men, to get you to actually fall into mine. Why now? Why tonight? Jesus, why did you have to be drunk to finally tell me everything I wanted to hear?” Fuck, now she was crying. She didn’t even realize it until her voice cracked and it was too late to stop. She was so tired, she felt like there was a hole in her, and that it was growing so quickly she was going to fall through it and never come out. She was numb, and hollow, and so torn between desire and pain that she felt like she might tear in two. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She and Myka weren’t supposed to happen because one of them was drunk, or because one of their family was gone, or because they were in pain, or because they were afraid of what would happen if they didn’t try. It was supposed to happen because they wanted each other so badly that nothing else mattered. It was supposed to happen because they were tired of denying that they wanted nothing else but the other by their side all the time. How on earth did they get here? An hour ago, Myka had her in her arms, dancing like a fool and she was happy, and now they were in a hotel room screaming at each other. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, willing the tears to stop, willing her strength back. All fruitless efforts with Myka standing in front of her, Myka who made her weak and wanting and whole all at the same time.

The tears glistening down Helena’s cheeks were enough to put a check on Myka’s anger, and provided a strong enough dose of reality to make the alcohol slowly start to ebb away. She stepped towards her, slowly, gently wiping away one of the tears lingering on Helena’s jaw line. Seeing Helena vulnerable was strange and slightly mind-bending. She always appeared so calm and put together, quick with a sharp comment and a reason for everything, but this, this was a side of Helena she had only glimpsed on scant occasions. When she spoke, for the first time all night, she actually sounded like herself, and the change wasn’t lost on Helena. “Because I was scared. It’s a terrible reason, but it’s the only truth I can give you. I felt it the second I first saw you, fear and hopeless abandon all rolled into one. I, in an instant, wanted to run away from you and run into your arms all at once. I can’t explain it, but I knew I was in horrible danger of falling for you, and from that moment on I’ve been terrified. Terrified with every moment we spent together where I couldn’t stop looking at you. Terrified every time you would let your fingers linger over mine when they didn’t need to. Terrified that for the first time in a long time I might feel something this deep for someone. And worse yet, terrified that there was no possible way you could feel the same way for me. And then between ya know the near world-endings and the holograms and the insanity of what we do, there just never seemed a right time.” The slight whisper of a laugh that breathed across Myka’s lips made Helena’s skin tingle, but she didn’t interrupt her, needing to hear what else she had to say. “And once I admitted to myself how I felt about you, then I started running through everything that could go wrong. Just look what happened to Steve, just look at the pain that Claudia is going through. If…if that happened to you,” her voice broke, “I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” She paused, just long enough for Helena to think she was done, but she took a deep breath and continued, “But then, when I saw you walk in tonight…it just kind of hit me, what I could miss if I kept wasting time and running away out of fear. You came to find me in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, when I was in no fit position to be found, and you, you rescued me in a way. You walked in all beautiful and determined, and I just felt it, deep down that I had to stop worrying about what might happen, and focus on the amazing thing that was standing right in front of me.”

She didn’t know at what point it had happened, but their hands were once again entwined, hanging at their sides. Myka was standing so close to her that their foreheads were touching, and her last words had practically been whispered right onto Helena’s lips. She knew she should pull away, leave this for the morning, when there could be no question of judgment or reason, but hadn’t Myka just told her she was tired of wasting time? What if the morning didn’t come soon enough? What if there was no more perfect moment for this to happen between them than now? All those thoughts of restraint and cooler heads that had filled her mind mere hours ago, were starting to drift away through Myka’s touch. “Myka…” she could barely say her name without shuddering. 

“Yeah,” Myka tantalizingly wetting her lips after she spoke, and in that one action all of Helena’s self-control went out the window.

“How drunk are you really?” She didn’t want to ask, but she had to. The one last vestige of restraint in her, had to make sure.

“Barely. I come down quickly.” Myka’s breath was coming in ever-quicking gasps, if Helena stood any closer, she might just melt into the floor. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she was thankful that she was, in fact, sober enough to keep her knees from giving out underneath her. 

“Then kiss me…” She couldn’t stand it anymore, the waiting, the feel of Myka’s skin against hers. She said a silent prayer that Myka was indeed as sober as she claimed and now seemed, and then let go of every thought in her mind that wasn’t about Myka.

Myka’s entire mind went fuzzy, Helena’s words were so filled with longing and desire she almost couldn’t bear it, for wanting her so badly. She wanted to make this count, to make Helena know for certain that everything she had just said was real, she had to make her feel how much she, “don’t even think it” her mind warned, loved her. Slowly, she untangled her hands from Helena’s and ran fingers along her cheeks, seeking to caress away any more doubts Helena might harbor. She wound her hands into her hair, and drew Helena closer to her, barely allowing their lips to touch at first, merely savoring the feel of finally having Helena this close. She could feel Helena’s hands trembling as they came to rest on her hips, clenching ever so slightly, making Myka gasp, and, as she assumed Helena wanted, dive in deeper. Her intentionality fled, and she crashed into Helena’s lips, reveling in the soft moan that came from the back of Helena’s throat. She didn’t know she could want someone this badly, and yet from the moment their lips touched, Myka realized she would never, ever have enough of Helena. She wanted to drown in her, to take in every single inch, every freckle, every scar, every single spot that would make her whimper, but for now her lips were enough. With a subtle urgency, she coaxed Helena’s lips wider, giving her permission to kiss her in the way she deserved to be kissed, with passion, with depth, with fervor, with attention to her needs, with enough desire to let her know how badly she was wanted. Teasingly, she let her tongue run along the edge of her upper lip, then her teeth, feeling Helena trying so hard to pull her in, trying to tease her own way into Myka, but she put up a good fight, wanting to savor her chance to have Helena at her mercy. 

Helena could feel the smile twitching on the edge of Myka’s lips, it was maddeningly sexy, to have Myka letting herself within reach, but holding just a little back, leaving her wanting more with every passing second. Finally, she pulled away just enough to whisper, “Myka I swear to God if you keep teasing me I might pass out from wanting you.” 

“Is that a threat, Miss Wells?”

Helena let out a deep sigh, “Maybe…do you want it to be?”

God, she didn’t think Helena was capable of being sexier, and yet the teasing in her voice, the slight growl behind her words, made Myka want to throw her onto the bed, and tear her clothes off, but she knew better than that. She knew she wanted more than that tonight. She didn’t want something frantic and hasty, but something slow and intentional. To hell with how tired she was, to hell with what time it was, to hell with everything that wasn’t Helena. She collapsed into Helena’s lips, no longer teasing her, but allowing her tongue to freely play off her own, feeling the little nips that Helena gave to her bottom lip, the ticklish way she ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth, the way every time Myka’s tongue touched hers she would moan. It was ecstasy.

It was clear that Myka was done holding back, and feeling the heat of her lips, the way her hands kept gripping a little bit tighter in Helena’s hair, the way she was holding her like she would never let her go, made her want to die, for surely there was no better way to go then in her arms, with her lips on yours, feeling the slight tickle of her tongue against your lip. It was too much, too much feeling for one person, and soon it was no longer good enough to just be holding onto her, she needed to feel her in every nerve and muscle. She couldn’t help herself, she used her leverage against Myka’s waist, and pushed her against the wall, making the pictures that were hanging there shake precariously. She’d always wondered just what Myka felt like, and she wasn’t going to wait any longer, she slid her hands underneath where Myka’s t-shirt clung to her hips and scraped her nails along skin that was far softer than she ever imagined it being. She felt the goosebumps rise up underneath her fingers, as Myka arched her back at the contact, pressing herself even harder into Helena’s body. She ran her fingertips up Myka’s sides, her thumbs gently grazing the edge of the defined muscles of her stomach. She had known Myka was strong, but the muscles that she felt rippling below the surface of her skin were harder than she expected, somehow making Myka sexier than ever before. She broke away from her, pulling her bottom lip with her teeth as they broke apart. Myka’s eyes fluttered beneath her closed lids. She leaned in, being sure to press her hips ever so slightly against Myka’s, and whispered in her ear, “I have dreamt of touching you since the first time you locked me in handcuffs…” Myka took a shuddering breath trying to figure out how on earth to respond to something like that. She remembered the moment vividly, because it was only a few minutes later that Helena had managed to trap her and Pete on the ceiling, but that wasn’t what she remembered most, what she remembered was what she whispered back to Helena. “I knew you wanted me…you think I didn’t notice the way you ran your fingers across my wrist when I locked the cuffs?” She untangled her hands from Helena’s hair, and reached down to where hands were running against her skin, grabbing her wrist in the same way that Helena had done to her so long ago, “You aren’t exactly subtle, ya know?”

“When it comes to you, I find it insanely difficult to be subtle darling.” She punctuated each phrase with a graze of her tongue along Myka’s ear, making her grasp her wrists harder, and she could feel her pulse skipping, as she moved her tongue down Myka’s neck, alternating kisses and small nips, as she moved down to her collarbone. “You have no idea what you do to me,” she whispered into her neck, before biting down ever so slightly, marking Myka as her own.

Helena’s breath against her neck, the pain and pleasure mixed together as she bit down on her collarbone, made Myka no longer happy that Helena was the only one getting the pleasure of feeling skin underneath her fingers. She released her hold on Helena’s wrists, and let her hands wander underneath the jacket and the button-up shirt that Helena was wearing, letting her fingernails ever so slightly graze down her back, relishing the feel of her skin, and the way the contact made her moan. Helena was wearing far too many clothes. She only allowed a second for her hands to leave Helena’s body, and yanked her jacket free of her shoulders, letting it slide down to her feet where she kicked it aside. Her brain was starting to go fuzzy from the sensation of Helena kissing, licking, and biting her way up and down her jawline, from collarbone to neck to jaw to ear, barely giving Myka a chance to catch her breath. She felt giddy and nervous. This was what she had dreamed of on more occasions than she could count, but now that they were here, actually together, she worried she wouldn’t know what she was doing. It was a fleeting thought, chased away by a particularly aggressive bite against her earlobe. Helena’s insistence forced words out of her mouth, “You…are wearing…far too…many clothes.” It came out in fits and starts, breathy, and barely under control. 

“What are you going to do about that Agent Bering?” 

She rolled her eyes in odd pleasure at Helena calling her that, and then guided her hands to the buttons of Helena’s shirt. One by one, she undid them, and smirked as with each button Helena lost her focus, unable to keep kissing her while Myka’s hands were so close to her body. As she reached, the third button, she allowed her fingers to just barely slide against the lacy material of Helena’s bra, touching her just enough for Helena to go limp against her for a moment. Her hands were now simply resting against Myka’s arms, unable to move until every last button was undone, and she slowly slid it down off of her body. She allowed herself a chance to just take Helena in, standing in front of her eyes closed, lips slightly parted, her jeans resting perfectly on her hips, the light blue of her bra barely concealing the skin beneath. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered, it was practically involuntary, but staring at Helena like this, it was all she could think. 

It was enough to make Helena open her eyes, smiling ever so slightly, as she looked up at Myka. For so much of her life, she had felt like nothing, trapped amongst a world of people who could never understand her, always having to fight to be heard, to be respected, and never quite having anyone who saw her completely, until now, until Myka. In her she had found someone, who somehow, just understood, who she was in all her faults, in all her pain and anguish, and in all of her desire to be loved. Looking at her like this, feeling herself so laid bare in front of her, she couldn’t help herself, and Myka could see it in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” She ran her hands up Helena’s arms and down her back, relishing every freckle, every inch of her.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing, it’s just…” 

“It’s just what?” She kissed her, lightly, “Helena tell me.”

“I…I shouldn’t.”

Myka pulled her closer, kissed her again, “Tell me…”

“Myka, I…I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I love you.” She immediately closed her eyes, so she didn’t have to see Myka’s reaction, almost ashamed that she’d let herself say it so soon, it was too soon.

She felt Myka’s finger underneath her chin, gently urging her face up to look at her, “Hey…Helena…Helena look at me.” She didn’t want to, but she opened her eyes, and there was Myka, green eyes glistening, a smile splayed across her lips, “I love you too…you don’t have to look so scared. I have loved you for so long I don’t even remember when I realized it, but I do Helena, I love you in ways I didn’t even know were possible.” And when she leaned down to kiss her Helena lost the ability to feel or think, nothing in this world existed except her and Myka. She didn’t even know when or how she managed to bring herself to remove Myka’s t-shirt, but before she knew it, it was gone, and Myka was guiding her away from the wall, and slowly, carefully, lowering her onto the bed. When this night started the last place that she expected herself to be was laid out on a bed, half dressed, with Myka leaning over her, forearms on either side of her head, knees nestled against her hips, her dark brown curls framing her face, dangling just enough to tickle Helena’s chin, yet here they were. The urgency that had once been there, had ebbed, Myka was taking her time, slowly placing kisses over ever inch of her, her neck, her cheeks, her eyelids, the small indent where you could feel her ribs give way to her abs, the dip of her hip, no part of her was left untended. 

She never imagined Helena having so many freckles, but she found them in the most unlikely of places, below her hip, behind her ear, small, subtle, beautiful. She felt like with every kiss she was trying to wash away every year of pain that Helena had endured, every heartbreak, every loss, every bad decision made in anger, every regret, everything that she knew laid layers of scars over her heart, to the point that she was afraid to feel anymore. Myka wanted her to know that with her she was allowed to feel anything and everything she wanted, she didn’t have to fear rejection, or hurt, or judgment, with her she could just be Helena, that would always be enough for her. On a night when they were both feeling so much pain, she wanted to remind them both that there could be joy, there could be love, even in the midst of the agony. Helena’s hands were flowing over her body, just her fingertips, tracing line after line, over every muscle, every scar that marked her body from one too many years of facing gun fire, every inch of her that hadn’t been touched like this in so long, if ever really, because the way Helena touched her was different. It wasn’t just contact made out of wanting, it felt as though she was trying to memorize her, worshipping each part of her, making it feel like she wanted to remember every second of every minute she was able to touch her. She wasn’t sure what made her say it, maybe it was the slowness with which they were moving together, maybe it was the twinge in the back of her mind reminding her of Steve, maybe it was the sun creeping through the curtains reminding her that morning was coming, but suddenly it just came out unbidden, “Helena…” she lifted herself back up onto her elbows, gently running her fingers through Helena’s hair, pushing it away from her eyes.

“Yes darling…” 

Her eyes were so dark, she felt like she could drown in them. They almost felt magical, the way that all at once they conveyed remarkable intelligence, mischief, desire, and adoration; she could have stared at Helena just like this for hours, savoring every breath, every tiny movement, every smirk. “I…I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, but I don’t want this, us, to happen here, in some weird hotel in the middle of the city that you had to get to because I was slightly out of my mind.” Fear flashed across Helena’s eyes, it happened quickly, but she saw it, “Don’t for one second think that this has anything to do with me having consumed more alcohol than I should have, that I want to stop because I won’t remember, trust me, I will remember every second of this night for the rest of my days, and don’t think it’s because I don’t want this. I want this more than I ever imagined possible. God, maybe I’m an idiot,” she felt her eyes give an involuntary roll at how crazy she sounded, “but, I want you in our home, in my bed, in a room that feels like ours, where I don’t have to worry about the fact that morning is coming and we have to leave. I want to be able to take my time with you, not worried some housekeeper is going to come knocking on the door at any moment. This, us, I want…I want to do it right.” She hung her head down, shaking it slightly, barely able to believe that she had actually just said any of that. She’s sitting here, straddling Helena, and she’s asking to stop. What was wrong with her? 

This time it was Helena’s turn to force her chin up to look at her, “You, Myka Bering, are an extraordinary woman, and I would wait for you until the end of time if that’s what you asked me to do. However, why exactly do you get to have me, in your bed? What if I want you in mine?” There was that devilish smirk that always brought Myka up short, forcing her to bite her lip, as she felt a blush creep up her cheeks. 

“Well, maybe that part is negotiable…maybe, but there is something unbelievable sexy about thinking of you just like this but laying up against my pillows.” 

“Never in my entire life would I have expected those words to come out of your mouth…It almost makes me like the idea of you bossing me around.”

Now it was Myka’s turn to smirk, “What can I say, I know what I want.”

“And what exactly is it that you want, Myka?”

Helena watched as in an instant Myka’s eyes darkened, hazing over with a passion and a determination she had never seen before, “You. All of you. Nothing more, nothing less than you with me wherever I go. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. I want you, Helena.”

“If you haven’t noticed my dear, I’m already yours, I always have been.” She reached up and placed her hand on the back of Myka’s neck, slowly pulling her down into a kiss that made the world disappear. Lights flashed behind Myka’s eyes at the intensity, the passion that was exuding from Helena’s body. When she pulled away, if only because she needed to breathe, Helena’s eyes were still closed. It was a moment of pure perfection, just the two of them, and Helena looking more beautiful than any human being had a right to be. She couldn’t help herself, she placed a small kiss on the tip of her nose, and whispered against her skin, “I love you.”

Helena’s eyes opened, and she tucked a wayward curl behind Myka’s ear, “I love you too.”

Myka finally allowed herself to move, though she didn’t want the spell that she felt was hanging over them to break. Helena moved her arm, providing just enough space for her to curl up into the crook of her shoulder. Until that moment she hadn’t realized how tired she actually was, and when she looked at the clock realizing that it was practically morning, it dawned on her that she had been up for almost 24 hours. She tried desperately to stifle a yawn, but she couldn’t help herself, Helena’s fingers were tracing up and down her arm, and their skin against each other was so warm, it was so peaceful and perfect, it was lulling her into sleep. Helena kissed her curls, “My dear, I think it is high time I let you get some sleep.”

“You didn’t by any chance bring anything for me to sleep in did you?”

“Damn, no. I left so quickly, and I had imagined driving back to the B&B rather than staying over, I didn’t even think about it.” 

“I think I can manage, don’t worry.” Myka sprung off the bed, and found the place where Helena had peeled off her shirt, bending down to retrieve it, she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, letting it slip off her body, slower than she usually would, but she could feel Helena’s eyes boring into her back, and she couldn’t resist a little bit of torture. She slipped her shirt back over her head, and quickly slinked out of her jeans, socks, and boots that somehow were still on her feet. “I think this will suffice don’t you think?” All Helena could do was nod, words completely escaping her. Myka slithered back into bed, climbing under the covers, as best she could with Helena still laying on top of them. “What about you though? What are you going to sleep in?”

“I think I can take a cue from you actually.” Helena was slower to move from the bed, unsure that her legs would hold her, as they had gone fairly numb at the sight of Myka undressing before her eyes. Suddenly, she felt shy, a rare feeling for her, but it was there nonetheless. She gathered her button down from the floor, feeling a blush creeping up her cheeks, she turned her back to Myka to remove the rest of her clothing. She slipped her shirt over her shoulders, only bothering to button a few buttons, so she was completed restricted by them in her sleep. She was much quicker about undressing than Myka had been, goosebumps covering her body, as she felt Myka’s eyes on her with every move she made. She threw her jeans in a ball on the floor, and crawled into bed, Myka lifting up the covers enough to give her room to cuddle up next to her. They laid facing each other, hands idly clasped together, legs tangled up in each other, neither seeming to want to sleep, yet feeling it’s weight pressing down on them. Before allowing herself to give into her exhaustion, Myka whispered one last thing into Helena’s lips, “Thank you for saving me.”

“I would hardly call dragging you out of a bar saving you darling.”

“I don’t just mean tonight…though I do, indeed, think it qualifies.” Myka propped herself up on one elbow, determined to get this one last thing in before she closed her eyes. “For so long, after Sam, I felt like I was lost. I buried myself in work, and swore I would never allow anything in my life to get out of control again. I was on the brink of completely and totally shutting myself off from the world, from feeling, from anything other than what I could manage and control, and then there you were. You walked into my life, and you saved me. You pulled me back from the edge I was dangerously close to falling off of, and I can’t say thank you enough for that, Helena.”

“We saved each other, I think. Myka, you were the only person in the entire world that was capable of stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life, it was you standing in front of me that made me stop before I destroyed everything. My heart was so full of hate, and regret, and fear, and yet, you with all of your wonderful ways were able to slowly start to erase all that. Every time you looked at me, every time our hands touched, I felt a layer of pain ebbing away. Every time you actually cared about what I thought or how I felt, I knew life could actually be worth living. If I was able to save you, it was only because you were in the process of saving me too.”

Myka leaned down, a small smile playing across her lips, and kissed her. It was soft, slow, and simple, but somehow more passion-filled than anything else that had shared that night. When they broke apart, something clicked in Myka’s mind, and she hopped out of bed, making Helena think something was wrong, “What are you doing?” She heard the door to their room open up, and for a split second she thought Myka was leaving, she sat up, “Myka, what on earth are you doing out there?”

She came back into view, after a click of the door, “I put the do not disturb sign on the door, is all. I figured, if we actually have any hope of getting a small amount of sleep, we don’t need some crazy housekeeper banging on the door earlier than we would like.”

“Ah, excellent thought.”

Myka crawled back into bed, and picked up her cell phone from the nightstand, unsure of how on earth it actually had gotten there. “What do you think? That guy said we have to check out at, what, noon? So, if I set an alarm for 11, will that give us enough time?” Helena was looking at her with the strangest look on her face, like she was totally amused, “What? What time do you want to get up?” she asked incredulously.

Helena chuckled, “11 is fine darling, I was laughing because this conversation is so blissfully normal. I can’t say I ever expected to have you asking me what time our alarm needed to be set, or that I would have you crawling into bed next to me. It’s just so…I have no better word than normal. I had begun to think Warehouse agents don’t get that in their lives anymore.”

Myka swooped down to give her a quick peck on the lips, “Well, right now they do.” She winked at her, in a devilishly sexy way, “11 it is.” She put her cell phone back on the nightstand, and collapsed down into the pillows, laying so that she could face Helena for a few more seconds before sleep engulfed her. “Can I still say good night even though technically it’s morning?”

“I think so.”

She kissed her once more, “Then good night.”

“Good night my love.” Helena rolled over then, and Myka fit perfectly around her. It felt like their bodies were made for each other. Myka nestled into Helena, placing a small kiss on the back of her neck, before taking one last contented sigh and drifting off at last.


	3. And promise no love is like our love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to go back to reality...

The noise broke quietly into Myka’s dreams, making her think it wasn’t there, until it became too insistent to ignore. Her mind lurched forward to realize that it was her alarm, God she felt like she just fell asleep. Helena remained unstirring in her arms, she unwound her arm from her waist, trying to move as little as possible as she reached for her phone to make the incredibly annoying, unrelenting noise stop. She curled back into Helena’s back, not wanting to acknowledge reality, and it’s beckoning them out of this place, where everything felt perfect and still. She breathed in the smell of Helena’s hair, coconut mixed with something deeper, something distinctly Helena that she couldn’t place. She felt Helena’s fingers beginning to stir, trying to find purchase on her hand, as it rested around her waist. She moved just slightly enough to nudge Helena’s hair away from her neck, and began tracing small, slight kisses down it, barely urging Helena to wake. Finally, she heard her name barely audible as a question on Helena’s lips.  
“I’m here,” she whispered back. Helena, sleep addled, rolled to face her, making sure to keep Myka’s arms firmly around her. She didn’t open her eyes, but rested further into the crook of Myka’s collarbone. Myka pressed a kiss into her hair. The words Helena spoke were hardly a whisper spoken against her skin, but Myka heard every word clearly, “There was part of me that worried I’d wake up and all of this would have been a dream.” They were words that were so laced with vulnerability that Myka was almost shocked to hear them, but instead of expressing that shock, she just pulled Helena closer, and whispered into her hair, “Not a dream, I’m right here.” 

Helena finally emerged from her exhaustion enough to open her eyes, and press a small kiss to Myka’s lips. “Bloody hell, I do not want to get up.”

Myka couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped from her lips, “I know, but it would seem we have to. I’ll tell you what, you stay here, I’ll grab a shower first, then go downstairs and try and find us some coffee, that way when you get out of the shower it’ll be here waiting.”

“That sounds like perfection.”

It took every ounce of strength to pull herself from Helena’s arms, but the sooner she was up, the sooner there would be coffee, which would do worlds for the headache slowly pulsating behind her eyes. She knew when they went to bed that she was most likely going to pay for the amount of gin she drowned herself in last night, but thankfully, it wasn’t nearly as bad as she expected, and even more thankfully, she had kept her promise to Helena, she remembered each and every second of last night, every word that passed between them, and that fact alone was worth the headache. She showered quickly, making sure she left enough of all the hotel amenities for Helena, seeing as neither of them had any of their usual morning things. When she got out of the shower, she blushed to see a dark mark along her collarbone, relishing the memory of Helena’s teeth biting against her skin, and smirked to think that Helena would find a few of her own, when she took a shower. It made Myka wobbly just thinking about everything that had happened last night, and even wobblier still thinking about what would hopefully happen once they got home and were settled, caught up with everyone at the B&B, and what their plan was to get Sykes. She toweled off, and slipped back into her clothes from last night, anxious to get home and into clothes that didn’t smell like a bar, yet enjoying the fact that there was a hint of Helena’s perfume mingled in as well. When she emerged, Helena was awake, but still curled in bed. She had turned on the TV, but didn’t seem to be paying any particular attention to what she was watching. 

Helena’s breath couldn’t help but hitch in her throat when Myka came out. It was completely amazing to her that even in day old clothes, wet curls dangling along her shoulders, and not an ounce of make-up on, Myka still looked unbelievable. Myka came over to the side of the bed, and leaned in pressing a kiss against her forehead, “Coffee or tea?”

“I believe I am exhausted enough to actually require coffee, plus that bagged tea most places usually have is atrocious.” 

“Sounds good. Grab a shower, and I’ll be back soon.” Myka grabbed one of the room keys off of the dresser, slipped it into her back pocket, and with a quick look over her shoulder at Helena, was out the door in mere moments.

Once she heard the door click behind Myka, she climbed out of bed, stretching muscles that ached from the oddity of dancing and from one too many arches of her back against Myka’s touch. She slipped into the shower, and was quick to notice the tenderness rising from the skin near her hip. She looked down to see a mark left by a combination of Myka’s teeth and lips. It somehow felt like a mark of ownership, and Helena relished it. She soaked in the heat of the water cascading over her body, and let her mind play back last night in slow motion. Myka’s hands in her hair, the feel of Myka’s hips beneath her fingers, Myka’s teeth gently biting into her skin, her tongue running against the inside of her lips. God, just thinking about it made her skin tingle. Somehow, she still couldn’t believe they were here, that it had happened, yet it had. She just prayed that the return to the reality of the Warehouse, their daily lives, and the crushing weight of what drove them here didn’t ruin what could exist between them. She shut off the water, toweled off, and emerged running a towel through her hair at the exact moment that Myka returned with their coffee. The aroma filled the room, “God that smells heavenly.”

“You must be tired, if coffee is actually appealing to you.”

“Desperate times and all that I suppose.”

“The hotel had already put all their things from breakfast away, but luckily there was a coffee shop right next door.” Myka’s eyes flicked to the clock, they had fifteen minutes before they absolutely had to be out of the room. 

Helena followed her eyes, “It seems it would be almost that time.”

Myka playfully nudged against her fingertips, loosely entwining their fingers, “I don’t want to leave. It’s selfish, but I don’t want to go back to the world.”

“I know…but we have to. Duty calls, but…before we go.” She set her coffee down on the dresser, and removed Myka’s from her hand, placing it next to hers. Ever so gently, she pressed Myka back against the wall, almost identical to where she had done so last night, her hands slid underneath Myka’s shirt, running them up her sides, and she kissed her, kissed her with fervor and intensity, passion and wanting, not hesitating to open her lips to Myka’s welcome advances. Myka’s hands were in her hair, gently tugging, pulling her forward, deeper. It was only when a moan emerged from the back of Myka’s throat that she allowed herself to pull away, short of breath, flushed, heart pounding. Myka’s eyes were still closed, lips still parted, and into her ear she whispered, “Just a reminder of what you promised me would come when we get home. I’m going to hold you to that.”

Myka’s voice came out raspy and short, “You better…because that…that was just cruel.”

“Only cruel?” Helena smirked.

Myka’s eyes opened with a spark of desire, “Incredibly sexy, but yes cruel. You are a mean woman Helena Wells.”

“Yes, I’m quite good at that,” and she pushed off the wall, leaving Myka with her fingers still gripping into the paint. 

Helena grabbed her phone and the car keys, patted her back pocket to make sure that her credit card and license were still there, pulled on her shoes and then turned back to Myka, “Well, are you ready to go?”

Myka sighed in exasperation, but grabbed the rest of her things, “If we must.”

Helena opened the door for her, “I believe we must.”

They stood waiting for the elevator, but it seemed that what happened last night in the elevator was playing through both of their minds, and in an effort to not torture themselves more, they turned to each other and asked almost in unison, “Stairs?”

They both chuckled, and Myka grabbed Helena’s hand, turning them towards the stairwell. They made quick work of checking out, Helena silently grateful that the man who checked them in last night appeared to no longer be on duty, not wanting to have to deal with the look he would have most likely given them. Once they were in the car Helena suggested calling Pete to let him know they were on their way back. 

“Mykes, how ya feelin’ this morning partner? Headache? Staying away from any LOUD noises? How hung over are you?”

Myka rolled her eyes, “I actually am fine Pete, just a small headache.”

“That’s my girl, no lightweight hangover for Myka man no way.”

She couldn’t help smiling at what was Pete’s apparent way of displaying relief that she was ok. She knew him well enough to know she probably had him scared out of his mind last night, and in that instant she felt guilty for putting him through all of that. “Pete, hey listen, I’m sorry I bailed last night. I know you must have been worried.”

“Mykes, don’t worry about it. We all deal in our way, you just dealt with it in a very pre-Warehouse Pete kind of way. I’m just glad you’re alright. You guys on your way back?”

Myka smiled a warm smile at him and his kindness, “Yeah, we should be home in…what do you think Helena, a half hour?”

Pete could hear H.G. off the screen saying that should be about right. “Hey Mykes, turn me towards H.G. would ya?”

“Sure.”

“Yes Pete?” She asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Hey, just thanks again for…for last night. I appreciate it.”

“No thanks needed Pete.” Helena tried desperately to keep the smirk off of her face, thinking that if Pete had volunteered to go get Myka things would have been quite different this morning. She would be the one anxiously worrying and waiting for Myka to get home safely, rather than sitting here next to her, feeling a gorgeous long-fingered hand sliding along her knee.

“Alright, drive safe you two. Stay out a trouble. See you in a bit.”

Myka turned the Farnsworth back to her, “Bye Pete.”

“He was quite worried about you, you know?” 

“He does that; it’s what makes him a good partner. I kind of hate that I made him that worried though.”

“Pete loves you darling, he sounded like he understood quite fully why you did what you did.”

“I guess so.” 

“Remind me to thank Claudia when we get home though…”

“Why?”

“Because if she hadn’t fallen asleep on Pete’s shoulder last night, he might have insisted on being the one to come get you, and if that had happened, where might we be?” Helena shot her a side long look, with a gentle smile on her face.

Myka felt her heart fluttering in gratitude that it was, in fact, Helena that had shown up last night, and not Pete. “Then, yes, thanks all around for Claudia. Pete probably would have come in guns blazing, punched someone in the face, and hauled me out over his shoulder.”

“If I would have had it my way, I would have preferred getting in a good shot or two at some of those men last night, but you didn’t give me much of a chance.”

Myka tried to hide the blush coming into her cheeks, “I..I can’t believe I was acting like that, it’s not really my thing ya know?”

“Alcohol tends to have that effect on people.” Helena could tell Myka was sinking into guilt for something she had no reason to feel guilty about. Each and every one of them had made mistakes, some far worse than the ones Myka barely made last night, she attempted to make light of things for her. “Listen Myka,” she placed her hand over the one that was covering her knee, “We all, each of us, have done some insanely stupid things when we’re hurting. No one is immune to that sort of reaction. Do I wish you would have told someone where you were going? Sure, but you’re ok, everyone is ok, it all turned out ok…much better than ok I would say, actually.”

Even with her face turned towards the window, Helena could see the smile returning to Myka’s face. She gave her hand a squeeze, “That’s my girl.” 

“I should apologize to you too though…”

“Why on earth do you need to apologize to me? Unless of course, you want to apologize for how horrendously out of joint my back felt when I woke up this morning.”

There was that blush again, she could get quite used to making Myka look that way. “No, not for that, that I will not apologize for. For making you for any second doubt that I didn’t know what I was doing last night. For making you worry at all that it might have been the alcohol talking and not me. I don’t want you to have to worry that that was the case.”

“Myka,” she was trying so hard not to sound exasperated, but at the same time, she was kind of aching to know if Myka’s mind was at all fuzzy about how they got to where they did last night, “is there anything about last night you don’t remember?”

“Honestly? No…I remember everything from the second you walked into that bar. It’s like my brain clicked into focus, and I just knew that I had to memorize everything that you did last night.”

“Then there is absolutely no reason to apologize.”

“I just wish I would’ve told you how I felt sooner, that I..”

Helena couldn’t take it, cutting into her sentence, “Myka, please, don’t do this. Don’t circle around all the reasons why last night should or should not have happened, or why it should have happened before or later. It happened, and it was blissfully perfect, and there’s nothing you can say or do to make me wish it had happened any differently than it did. Can’t we just appreciate that right here, right now, we have each other, for as long as you’ll possibly have me?” One small tear chased down Myka’s cheek, and Helena pulled her hand up to her lips, placing a gentle kiss against her knuckles. 

“You’re right. You’re always right, I kind of hate that,” but she was smiling and Helena knew she was going to be ok.

“I can be quite brilliant at times can’t I?”

“Oh God, is this the life I signed up for last night?” Myka’s words slipping through the laughter coming from her lips.

Helena finally turned her eyes away from the road, only for a second, but long enough to give Myka a smile that said more than most words could, “Yes, my darling, it is.”

They drove in companionable silence for awhile. Myka relishing the feeling of having Helena’s hand covering her own, every now and then feeling her thumb rubbing across her knuckles. Helena focusing on the road, yet acutely hearing every single breath that Myka took, until finally a thought occurred to her. “So, what exactly are we going to do when we get back to the B&B?”

“Do about what?”

“Well, it doesn’t seem entirely appropriate to come home all happy go lucky, look at us, considering the circumstances…I don’t know. Do we conceal ourselves? Keep it quiet for awhile do you think?”

“God I don’t think I can even process what we’re going home to, not really. Though I think you’re right, again I might add, we keep it quiet. Just act normal, until there’s a better time to actually say something. Plus, I kind of like the idea of just having you, us all to ourselves for awhile.”

“Our own little secret then?” She gave Myka’s hand a little squeeze. “Besides, I highly doubt there will be much time for anything other than work once we’re home. I’m sure we’re going to walk in the door and immediately be put straight to work. Artie isn’t going to let Sykes make too many moves without us right on his heels.”

“True. I’m sure that he’s been up all night trying to figure out some sort of lead, for all we know he might have one and we’re going to get home and get straight on a plane.”

“I would hope Pete would have said something if that was the case, but you never know. We shall see when we get back, after all we’re almost there.” 

They were only a few minutes away from the B&B, and as they were getting ready to make the turn onto the lane that led them there, Myka asked Helena to pull over, right before the car would become visible to anyone looking out the B&B’s windows. She put the car into park, with a questioning look to Myka, “What’s wrong?”

Myka turned to her, with a glint of mischief twinkling behind her eyes. “Absolutely nothing is wrong, but if I’m facing potentially days and days of having to pretend that nothing is happening between us, I need a little something to tide me over.” She undid her seat belt, and leaned over the center console, finger tracing up Helena’s neck pulling her in for a kiss that made Helena forget how to breathe. For a few brief moments, all that existed were Myka’s lips, her fingers, her tongue. No matter how long it had been, when Myka pulled away it was too soon, “Also,” she whispered, “let that serve as payback for what you did to me before we left the hotel room.”

Helena took a deep breath, letting it out in a long, drawn out sigh, “Point taken.” Before she could even compose herself, Myka was back on her side of the car, buckled back into her seat, facing towards home.

One last deep breath, “Righty-ho then, home we go.”

The crushing weight of Warehouse reality struck them from the moment they walked in the door. The B&B was quieter than it ever had been before. They walked into the dining room to find Pete, of all people, slumped over a stack of files, reading so intently he didn’t even hear them walk in. Leena was in the kitchen cooking in near silence, an extreme rarity in this house, and Claudia and Artie were nowhere to be found. 

“Pete?” Myka didn’t want to scare him, but she had never seen him so intent on work.

He jumped, “Mykes! Thank God, you guys are home.” He practically flung himself at Myka, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. 

“It’s good to see you too. Pete where is everybody?” 

He blew air out from his cheeks, “Claudia hasn’t left her room since she woke up on the couch this morning and immediately fled up there. I haven’t heard a thing out of her. I think Leena has checked on her, but she won’t talk to anybody, and Artie, Artie has been at the Warehouse since last night. He came by this morning to drop off these files for me to look through, in the hopes of finding a clue about where Sykes might be going, but then he took off again.”

“Have you made any progess on that front? Helena asked.

“No, Sykes is like a ghost. He disappears as quickly as he pops up, and with Claudia out of commission, Artie is doing his best to track his movements, but let’s face it Artie’s no Claud.”

“Do you think it would be helpful if I went over there, Claudia has taught me a thing or two. I could be of some assistance,” Helena offered.

“And Pete I can stay here and help you go through the files if you want, or I can go with Helena and see if Artie needs me to do anything else.”

Pete stretched, “Why don’t we pack up these files and we all go over there. I could use a change of scenery, and that way we can figure out what the hell Artie’s plan is, if there is one.”

“Sounds good, but at least give Helena and I a chance to run upstairs and change our clothes. I cannot stand being in these smelly bar clothes for a second longer.”

Helena prayed that the look in her eyes went completely unnoticed, but Myka’s words conjured images far too inappropriate for the current situation. Now that she knew exactly what Myka looked like underneath those, as she put it, smelly bar clothes, it was all she could think about. She gave a slight shake of her head to clear the fog, “Right, yes, I would like to change too, I’ve been in these clothes for 24 hours, and I believe that’s quite long enough.”

“Ok, I’ll pack these files up, and meet you back down here in a few minutes, and we’ll head over together.”

Once they reached the relative privacy of the second floor landing, Helena grabbed Myka’s hand, “I think I grossly underestimated how difficult this is going to be.”

Myka gave her hand a light squeeze, “I know, but just think the sooner we get this whole Sykes mess figured out, the sooner that we can stop keeping it quiet.”

“Now whose turn is it to be right,” Helena smirked, and turned towards her room. As she walked away, Myka gave a low whistle in appreciation of the view. Helena turned around and gave her a quick wink and disappeared into her room.

Myka collapsed against the inside of her door, once it was closed behind her, “Jesus, this is going to be hard.” She began to peel off her shirt, stopping only to inhale one more time the last traces of Helena’s perfume that were still there. Whatever she had to do to close this case as soon as possible, she was going to do it, because being forced to keep her distance from Helena was just too much. She changed her clothes, grabbed two Tylenol from the bathroom, in an attempt to assuage the headache still pounding behind her eyes, and headed downstairs. Helena was already there, leaning against the door frame, as Pete balanced two boxes of files in his arms. “Your partner is maddening, do you know that?”

She smiled to hear the familiar feigned agitation in Helena’s voice, “What did he do this time?”

“He’s standing here like a fool, refusing to let me help him carry these boxes out to the car. Something insane about practicing his super strength.”

“Hey, I am strong. Look at these guns.”

Myka couldn’t help but laugh, between Pete’s flexing and Helena’s eye rolling it was a little too much, “Alright macho man, just don’t drop them on the way to the car. Should we check in on Claudia?”

“I asked Leena to let us know if she came down, but otherwise she said she’d watch out for her. I think the best thing we can do is go find that bastard and make him pay for what he did to Steve. Let’s go.”

“That’s the partner I know and love.”

Pete at least let Helena hold the door for him, giving Myka an incredulous smile as she did so. Myka shouted a good-bye to Leena, and followed them out to the car.

When they got to the Warehouse, Artie barely acknowledged their presence, simply giving Myka a quick, “Are you alright?” 

“I’m good Artie.”

“Good then everyone to work. Pete any luck with the files, yet?”

“No, but Mykes and I figured we both could keep looking, get through things a little bit faster.”

“Artie, why don’t you let me take a turn at the computer for awhile. Take a break, or do something other than stare at that computer screen more, your eyes look like they won’t even blink,” Helena offered.

“Fine, yes, everyone do what you need to do. H.G., try and see if you can trace Sykes’ movements, if we can figure out where he might be going, we can try and beat him there.” 

They worked for hours, no one speaking, just the clicking of Helena’s fingers across the keyboard, and the occasional flip of paper as Myka and Pete drowned in case files. Myka needed a break. Her back was aching, her head still hurt, and she felt completely powerless in the face of absolutely no leads. She stood up, braced her hands against the small of her back, and stretched. “I need a break. A walk or something, my eyes can’t process any more words, they’re all running together.” She walked out the door of Artie’s office, seeking solace in the endless rows of history and magic that lie before her. Somehow, no matter what was happening, the Warehouse calmed her, its enormity, its power, its, as Mrs. Frederic would say, endless wonder. She heard footsteps behind her, but didn’t turn around, the cadence of the steps told her without looking that it was Helena. She felt her fingers slip around her hand, and the breath she didn’t realize she was holding came out.

“We will figure this out you know? We always do.”

“I know, it just seems hopeless, plus even if we find Sykes, it’s not going to bring Steve back. The Warehouse is powerful, but even it has its limits.”

“Maybe, but we owe it to Steve to find this man, and hold him accountable for what he has done to our family. We owe it to Steve, and we owe it to Claudia.”

A few stray tears cascaded down Myka’s cheeks, but she straightened her shoulders, wiped them away, and turned back towards Artie’s office. “You’re right. We can do this.”

“That’s my girl.”

Before they came back into sight of the office, Helena released Myka’s hand, aching at the loss of contact, but knowing now was not the time for them to be noticed. As they started to walk up the stairs, they heard a shout come from the office that sounded an awful lot like “Hong Kong!” They looked at each other and rushed up the stairs, wondering if finally some sort of progress had been made. Artie was sitting in front of the computer looking flushed, exuberant, and frustrated all at once. Pete was leaning over him, examining what looked like security footage.  
“What is it?” Myka asked, taking up a space next to Pete.

“I had been running facial recognition in the background tracing through all the major airports in the country. We finally got a hit. Walter Skyes just booked a flight to Hong Kong, leaving out of Dulles International Airport in three hours.”

“Why is he in DC? That doesn’t make any sense.” Leave it to Pete to voice the obvious question for them all.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is this gives us an advantage. There’s a flight leaving out of Cheyenne in the morning for LAX, where you can make a connecting flight to Hong Kong. Even leaving tomorrow morning, you’ll still arrive before him. We can finally be a few steps ahead.”

“So what do we do now?” Pete looked like he wanted to get on the plane right then and there, the waiting was never easy for him.

“Now you go back to the B&B, pack, get a good night’s sleep, and be ready to leave in the morning. I have a few more things to figure out here, but I want you three out of here. Go, rest, we can’t have anyone sloppy tomorrow.”

“Artie, are you sure, we can stay and help,” Myka felt like there had to be something more they could do then sit and wait.

“No. You all have had a long 36 hours. Go home. Sleep, eat, do whatever, just go, go, go.” There was no arguing when Artie was this determined. So the three of them headed out of the Umbiliicus, out into the night air. 

Helena didn’t realize just how many hours they had spent in the Warehouse, but when they got to the car, it was dark out and all three of them couldn’t fight off yawning. It was almost ten o’clock by the time they got back to the B&B. Leena made them all sandwiches, which they ate in relative silence, their minds consumed by what tomorrow would bring, and the fact that according to Leena, Claudia hadn’t left her room all day, but would only respond that she didn’t want to talk to anyone when Leena knocked, and then would turn her music up louder. They could hear the slight thump of the bass coming through the ceiling, and each looked towards it, offering their own silent hopes that Claudia would be alright while they were gone. Finally, Pete pushed away from the table, the bags underneath his eyes clearly visible. “Alright, I’m going to go pack, and then hit the hay. See you in the morning.” He gave Myka’s shoulder a quick squeeze when he walked behind her chair. 

“Good night Pete,” she gave his hand a light squeeze in return, happy that if they were going into a world of insanity tomorrow, she at least had Pete for her partner. It wasn’t long before Helena stood up, “I suppose we should pack as well, it is getting late.”

“I suppose so.”


	4. And unbreak broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What exactly does one do with their last night before the world might fall apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for this story. Thank you all for being so amazing and reading, commenting, and encouraging me to keep posting. I was so nervous about posting this, since it was my first WH13. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.
> 
> Also, sexy times ahead FYI!

Myka felt a bit like she was sleepwalking, shoving clothes at random into her bag. Picking a couple of books off of her bookshelf for her carry-on, instinctively grabbing The Time Machine and throwing it on the pile. She couldn’t help it, it was the book she always travelled with, regardless of how odd it seemed when she was also travelling with its author. She could hear Claudia’s music still pumping through the walls, and the occasional shuffle from Pete and Helena’s rooms as they prepared for what the morning would bring. Finally, after triple-checking that she had everything she could possibly need she collapsed onto her bed. Her mind was racing, confused and jumbled over disparate thoughts, Steve, Hong Kong, Claudia’s music, Helena being right across the hall, not wanting to sleep alone when it felt like the world might end tomorrow. It was a strange mash of sadness, desire, anxiety, and determination, none of which were going to allow her to fall asleep anytime soon. As though her thoughts had called out through the walls, there was a small tap at her door, and when she opened it, there was Helena. She didn’t even care at this point if Pete saw her pull her into her room, all that mattered was that she was standing in front of her, with a look in her eyes that was at once haunting and beautiful. 

There was no need for words, not now, not in the dark of the night, with an uncertain morning looming. Instinctively, they both realized that tomorrow would hold probably more dangers than they could ever anticipate, and there was no way they were getting on that plane without making the most of the night. Sleep be damned, they could sleep on the plane. Myka pulled her in by her wrist, quietly shutting the door behind them, and sliding her hand through the space between Helena’s arm and her body to lock the door. Myka closed the slight gap between them, pressing Helena gently up against the door. Helena’s lips were parted in anticipation of a kiss that wasn’t going to come, at least not yet. Instead Myka leaned down into her neck, tracing small kisses from the tip of her earlobe down to her collarbone. She felt Helena tilt her head against the door, giving her more room to maneuver, and letting out a small hum at Myka’s touch. “It would seem that despite my previous protestations, you’re going to get your way.” she whispered into Myka’s hair.

“And which way is that?” She breathed into her neck, not being able to stop herself from making Helena actually say the words out loud.

Helena gave a small, throaty chuckle, “Well, I believe that I have just come to your room in the middle of the night, in order that you might, how did you put it? Have me in your bed…”

“Hey, I said it was negotiable, you apparently just couldn’t wait long enough for me to come to your room. You must want me desperately, if you were willing to let me have my way.” She playfully nipped at Helena’s pulse. 

Helena reached down to lift Myka’s head level with hers, giving her a look that made Myka swallow hard, feeling the desire welling up in her throat, “You have no idea,” and before Myka could take another breath, Helena was pulling her into a kiss that made her forget what she was doing for a the briefest of moments. They lost themselves in a tangle of hands and lips, teeth nipping slightly, tongues easing over the pain. Helena’s hands were lost in the jumble of Myka’s curls, wishing that she could just drown herself in everything that was so inherently Myka, her perfume, the way her lips every so often curled up into a smile when she kissed her, the feel of the callouses along her fingers from years of holding a gun, her attentiveness, her kindness, her gentleness, all the things Helena never felt she was herself except when she was by Myka’s side. This woman was completely intoxicating, and in these moments with her hands lost in her hair, she didn’t know how she had gone so long without telling her how much she felt for her. 

Myka felt like no matter how much she touched her it would never be enough. She no longer knew how it was possible that she lived for the tiny moments and the briefest of touches, when Helena didn’t think anyone was watching. How she managed to survive with just those small connections without her heart exploding, because now that she actually had Helena underneath her fingertips, she didn’t know how she’d ever stop. She grabbed onto Helena’s hips, allowing her thumbs to drift underneath the fabric of her shirt to run against the smooth skin over her hip bones, savoring the contact, until she needed more, and ran her fingers up her sides, pressing into her back, causing it to arch and thus press their stomachs together. She ran her fingers down Helena’s back, only slightly raking her nails against skin, but it was enough to make Helena hiss against her lips, and whisper, “I’ve been imagining your hands on me all day. It was terribly distracting.”

“Now you know how I felt every single time you would touch me, and catch me off guard. I was shot for the rest of the day. It’s a wonder I get any work done with you around.” As she breathed out the last sentence, she slowly, tantalizingly lifted Helena’s shirt over her head. She doesn’t know what compelled her to do it, but she found herself reaching down to wrap her arms around Helena’s thighs, and before she knew it she had lifted her up, Helena obliging her in the sexiest way possible, wrapping her legs around her waist. Helena’s hair was all over her face, but she still managed to maneuver them onto her bed, easing Helena down slowly, but before she could crawl up with her, Helena was sitting up, looking utterly determined. 

“What?” The confusion not at all hidden in Myka’s voice.

“You may get to have me in your bed, but tonight, I get to be the one that crawls on top of you. You got that privilege last night.”

“So we’re keeping score now?” Myka smirked.

“Absolutely not, I’m just taking what I want. Now, darling, take your shirt off.” Helena’s voice was dripping with lust and control, and something uncoiled in Myka’s stomach, hot and melting, relishing the thought of for once not being the one in control at all. With painstaking slowness, she unbuttoned each of the buttons of her shirt, and let it drop to her feet. 

“Any other requests?”

Helena reached up and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her swiftly onto her back on the bed, her knees nestled around her hips, before Myka could even blink, “Not at the moment, no, but give me a little more time, there might be.” She slid her hands up from Myka’s hips, tracing along her sides, nails scraping against skin ever so slightly, she watched as Myka’s eyes closed from the contact, and not for the first time Helena was shaken by how beautiful she was. She lowered her lips onto hers, and as Myka’s tongue rolled over hers, Helena fought back an odd sense of nervousness, something she had never quite experienced in this situation before, and allowed her hands to graze over Myka’s breasts, barely covered beneath light black fabric. Myka moaned into her mouth, at contact that they hadn’t allowed themselves last night. Helena lightly pinched her nipples, reveling in the increasingly louder seductive whimpers that came from the back of Myka’s throat every time she increased her touch. Wanting to hear Myka without her own lips dampening the sounds, Helena traced her lips down to the hollow of Myka’s throat, running her tongue along the delicate skin of Myka’s collarbones. She lightly bit against the skin where collarbone and throat met, and almost melted in the noise that came from Myka’s mouth. “You have no idea what those noises are doing to me…”

“Really? Because they’re kind of embarrassing me…”

Helena looked up at her, devilish smirk playing at the corners of her lips, “Why embarrassed darling?”

She saw the blush start creeping up Myka’s neck, “It’s just not usually…my thing.”

“Apparently, I must bring it out in you…I kind of like that actually.”

The blush was deepening in Myka’s cheeks, “Ok, less talking, just kiss me already.”

Helena raised one eyebrow, “Now whose giving orders? Rather sexy…” and she crashed into Myka’s lips biting ever so slightly on her bottom lip before pulling away. She edged herself up and away from Myka’s body. 

“What are you doing” the disappointment dripping from Myka’s lips.

“Sit up.”

Myka propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s not quite all the way up darling…but I suppose I can work with that.”

“Well I can’t exactly give you everything you want all the time can I?” This time it was Myka’s turn to smirk, as she watched Helena’s eyes darken and dilate, reveling in someone actually fighting back against her for once. 

“I suppose not no, but from this position I can still get what I want darling,” and she slid her arms around Myka’s back, deft fingers making quick work of the clasp of her bra. She pressed her hands against Myka’s back enough to lift her off her elbows, giving her enough room to remove the fabric from Myka’s body, laying her back down by running her fingers over the newly freed skin. She settled herself back onto Myka’s body, lower than before, bringing her lips level with Myka’s chest. She felt Myka give an inhalation of breath before she had even touched her, the anticipation alone making goosebumps appear on Myka’s skin. Running a light circle around Myka’s nipple she asked, “What do you want me to do?”

With a sharp intake of breath Myka answered, “I thought you were the one giving orders?”

“Oh well I’m willing to bend the rules every now and then,” Helena never once stopping her fingers moving over Myka’s skin.

Myka was thankful that Helena couldn’t hear the thoughts running through her head. She had a small tendency to be incredibly shy in bed, hesitant to talk, let alone say what she wanted. Yet somehow, Helena brought something out in her she couldn’t describe, except to realize that maybe for once in her life she was actually with someone that she could feel comfortable letting her walls down around. Maybe for once, she was with someone she wanted to be uninhibited with. Just one word escaped, whispered through her lips, her walls crumbling only a few bricks at a time, “Tongue.”

Helena could sense Myka’s hesitation to being overt with her desires, so she was impressed that she actually was able to elicit any kind of response from her. She smiled as she replaced her fingers with her tongue, running circles around her nipple, while continuing to massage the other. She sucked ever so slightly, and when Myka moaned, she allowed herself just one more moment of pulling Myka out of her shell, “Is this what you wanted?”

She watched as Myka bit her bottom lip, in that way that she had, that was at once endearing and arousing, and gave her a slight nod of the head. Good enough Helena thought, there will be plenty more nights like this for getting Myka to open up more. She lost herself in lavishing Myka’s body with loving attention, every once in awhile being struck over again by the fact that she was actually in this position. She left no part of Myka unexplored, reveling in discovering the small, unexpected places that elicited gasps and whimpers, the soft skin on the inside of her wrist, the birth mark right below her left ribs, the skin that delicately divided her defined stomach muscles. 

As she allowed herself to explore lower and lower down Myka’s body, she suddenly felt like her fingers were going numb. They were hitting a line that they hadn’t crossed last night, and as it got closer and closer, Helena couldn’t help but feel a bit light-headed. She fumbled to find the right angle to pull loose the belt that was hugging against Myka’s hips. Her anxiety, evident in her shaking fingers, shook Myka out of the haze of desire that had surrounded her as Helena had worked down her body.

“Is it possible…that the great H.G. Wells is nervous?”

Helena placed a small nip at Myka’s hip bone, “Hush,” but she couldn’t stop her eyes from betraying the nerves that were settling into her stomach, mixing in with the unrelenting desire she had for Myka. 

“Hey…Helena, look at me.”

She allowed her eyes to rise up to meet Myka’s, green glinting with more emotion than she felt able to process. Myka crooked a finger at her, with a small smirk playing across her lips. Helena could do nothing but respond to being summoned back to the top of the bed. “Yes darling..”

“Kiss me.” There was something dark and unknowable in Myka’s eyes, overwhelming in the way that they somehow conveyed desire, longing, love, and reassurance all at once. Helena allowed a small smile to splay across her lips as she lowered them to Myka’s. Myka was soft, yet insistent, strong, yet somehow vulnerable, one hand holding Helena tight to her with a hand on the back of her neck, the other resting against the small of her back, pulsing confidence into her with every second that she stayed close to Myka. When Myka broke away from the kiss, she couldn’t help but give voice to what she thought might be evident from Helena’s shaking fingers, “We don’t have to do this tonight, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” She was calm and collected, not allowing the aching that was pulsing inside of her for Helena’s touch to come across, wanting to make sure that Helena wanted this as much as she did, and that they weren’t going too fast. 

The kiss had breathed new confidence into Helena, “I assure you that there is nothing I want more than you, right here, right now.” Her last words coming in clipped breaths, punctuated by her fingers now deftly flicking the button of Myka’s jeans open, and ever so slowly dragging her zipper down. 

Myka’s breath caught in her throat, as she felt Helena’s hands trace onto skin that hadn’t been touched in far too long. Her grip around Helena’s neck could do nothing but slacken as every muscle in her body weakened under Helena’s touch. She felt Helena slither back down her body, hands deftly crooked into her belt loops to pull her jeans off her body. Fingers and kisses traced their way up Myka’s inner thighs, making her entire mind go blank, and when Helena finally lowered her tongue onto her, and she felt her fingers inside of her, Myka ceased to be able to think. It wasn’t until she felt her entire being coming undone that her mind even came remotely close to returning to her. She was powerless to stop the moans that came out of her throat, spilled against whispers of Helena’s name. She wasn’t even sure when Helena actually had moved back to her side, but suddenly there she was, propped up on her elbow, fingers tracing down Myka’s arms, feather-light kisses grazing against her neck, whispering against her skin so quietly that Myka almost didn’t hear it, “You are perfect…”

Myka turned her head to face her, hazy eyes meeting Helena’s steely, dark ones soaked with happiness and passion, “Hardly.”

“Perfect to me…”

Myka gave a soft chuckle, “Ok, that I’ll accept.” She traced a finger along Helena’s jawline, unable to contain the look that overtook her features, “I love you.”

Helena grasped Myka’s hand, placing light kisses along each of her fingertips, “I…love…you…too.” She clasped Myka’s hand in her own, placed a kiss along the back of it, and drew it up to rest against her heart. “I just wish I had had the courage to tell you sooner.”

“What did you just tell me this morning? It doesn’t matter how or when it happened, what matters is that it did. We’re here, right now, together, and nothing is going to change that, and now we have a whole future ahead of us, so there’s no point in looking back. I am much more interested in looking forward,” Myka released her hand from Helena’s grasp and lightly pressed Helena back against the bed. She swung her knees around Helena’s hips, and raised Helena up by her elbows, sliding her hands around her back, making slow, tantalizing work of the clasp of Helena’s bra. She slid the fabric away from Helena’s shoulders, tossing it aside with the rest of their clothes, and lowered Helena back down to the bed, following her down to meet her lips as her head hit the covers. She traced her tongue along Helena’s bottom lip, body tingling at the moan that escaped from Helena’s throat. 

Helena’s body already felt familiar underneath her fingertips, even from the small amount of time they had together last night. She loved feeling her twitch, hearing her gasp, watching her bite her lip, as Myka moved along the most sensitive areas of her body. The whole time that she explored, Helena’s hands never left her hair, fingers tangled endlessly in her curls, ever so slightly guiding Myka along her body, slightly pulling when she wanted her to linger longer, fingers loosening when she wanted her to continue. She loved feeling like Helena was letting her know what she wanted, while also letting her take her time to explore. Myka decided that she could spend the rest of her days lavishing loving attention over Helena’s body, and it would never be enough. This was a woman whose life had been filled with so much pain and hurt, Myka just wanted to give her the love, care, and tenderness she had deserved for so long. Yet, the hot bubble of desire burning in the pit of her stomach kept causing her to rush, wanting to feel Helena come undone in her arms. It didn’t take long for Helena to solve the problem for her, “Myka…if you don’t touch me soon, I may burst into flames.”

Myka smirked against her hip bone, “So impatient…” she leaned up to linger one last graze of her tongue along Helena’s breasts, as with her other hand she undid her belt and the clasp of her jeans. She felt Helena’s hips buck forward underneath her, and she couldn’t resist one last tease, fingers lingering on the edge of Helena’s waistband, “Do you really want me that badly?”

She saw Helena’s eyes roll behind her closed lids, “I’m not sure the words exist for how badly I want you.”

“I’ve left the famous writer at a loss for words, impressive,” and with a swift tug she flung the rest of Helena’s clothes aside, no longer wanting to tease, to wait, but only wanting to lay Helena bare with passion. Myka didn’t even have time to be nervous that she had never done this before, knowing how badly Helena wanted her, and wanting her just as badly made every other thought fly out of her head. With one arm draped across Helena’s stomach, attempting to keep her movements as under control as possible, Helena it appeared was a horrible wiggler, unable to control her body’s responses to her desire, she lost herself in Helena’s body. It was a haze of tongues, kisses, and fingers exploring the vast and various ways to bring Helena to the brink. When she felt Helena’s fingers clamp around her hand on her stomach, she knew it wouldn’t take much more for her to lose control completely. She increased her pressure and her speed, feeling Helena’s fingers tighten around her own, and in one blissful moment Helena’s back arched underneath her, and her grip on her fingers was enough to make her hand go numb. She stayed where she was until Helena’s body stopped shaking and her fingers loosened, to find themselves in Myka’s curls again, urging her back up towards Helena. 

It felt like hours that they laid there in the quiet. Legs tangled, hands loosely entwined, breathing slowing into exhaustion, it was perfection. In quick, quiet movements, Myka reached underneath them to free up the covers enough to allow them to crawl underneath them, neither bothering to put on pajamas. Helena nestled into the crook of Myka’s shoulder, reveling in the firmness of Myka’s arm around her waist, tight enough to let her know that this was where she was always meant to be. She lazily let her fingers lie across Myka’s sternum, tracing small circles with her fingertips. Myka pressed a soft, yet strong kiss against her forehead, causing her to nestle even closer, if that was even remotely possible. The awkwardness, the questions of last night had vanished. How they felt right now in this moment was how they always wanted to feel, it was what told them that they were always going to wind up together, no matter what the universe might throw their way. The love, the peace that radiated from their bodies, spoke more than words could ever hope to express, and so they soaked in the silence, trusting that they would have days, months, years to say all the things they wanted and needed to say to each other. Finally, when she felt she was only inches from sleep overtaking her, Myka reached for her cell phone, making sure to set them an alarm. “Baby, what time do you think we need to be up tomorrow?” 

“Well, Artie said he wanted us out the door by 8, so 7?.”

“Ugh, that is so not enough time to sleep.”

“Would you really have preferred I had let you sleep tonight darling?”

“Absolutely not. I would take no sleep over no you any day of the week.” 

With one last soft, slow kiss good night, Myka settled back into Helena’s curves, hugging her closely to her side. Neither of them knew what tomorrow was going to bring into their lives, it could be the very apocalypse itself, but tonight, in this moment it didn’t matter. They had each other. They loved each other, and for tonight that was enough. They would always be enough, and so with whispered “I love you’s” pressed into hair and skin, they slept, knowing that in these moments, they had all that was good, right, and perfect in the world


End file.
